Now that may have sounded a tad rude or blunt...there's really no fancy way to dress that up honestly. It is what it is. I know what I want and if I can tell in the first few minutes that you're not the "him" for me then I'm not going to lead you on and let you think that you possibly have a chance in getting to ask me out. Leading you on, now that's rude. But anyways, another reason why I'm single is because I'm not going out looking for "him". I believe that when it's time that God will bring that guy to me. I'll admit I've had a couple moments where I've wondering what's been taking God so long to bring that guy my way but really I trust that He'll bring that guy my way and even though it seems like it's been a while in my eyes, I believe that God is working on me and the guy he has for me so we'll be ready for one another and I don't want God to take any shortcuts in preparing my blessing for me!
Confession: Sometimes the struggle is SO real! Those guys on the right approach me and have me wondering, "What's wrong with me? Why me Lord?!" Lol. No, looks AREN'T everything but they are something. The one's that approach w/o ever having met you have only your appearance and the way you carry yourself to form an opinion and you've obviously caught their attention if they're approaching you. If they're attracted to you, it's only right that you be attracted to them as well. That's not shallow, that's just real.
So as I was saying, I'm single and that's okay. I haven't always looked at things that way though. If you've read any book about singleness, attended a singles' conference, or listened to anyone preach/speak on singleness I am almost certain you've heard that the season of singleness is a gift. For the longest time hearing that made me want to roll my eyes. I thought to myself, "Bump that, I ain't tryna be single all my life! I wanna man too!" LOL. I never understood why everyone was promoting this season of singleness as a gift since it didn't feel like one, but I understand now.
For the past couple of weeks I've been helping take care of my niece who will be turning 1 this week actually. (Yep, she's still a baby). I love that little girl and because I don't get to see her that often, being with her the past few weeks has been really nice. The waking up at 2:30 A.M or 6:30 A.M because she thinks it's cool and having to change her, feed her, deal with her change of emotions, having to figure out why she may be fussy since she can't talk in a way that I understand her, and having to make sure she's taken care of has really put things in perspective for me though. All of this happening especially when on my summer vacation has brought even more confirmation to me that I AM NOT READY TO GET MARRIED OR HAVE CHILDREN!! LOL! I am not ready for a dog at this point! I love her but I also love not having to be responsible for anyone else other than myself right now. Is that selfish? Nah, I don't really think so, I think it's responsible of me to acknowledge that I'm not ready for those things yet.
Being in a relationship is a ministry all in itself. It's not just having someone to call "bae", take selfies with, or talk on the phone with. Being in a relationship for me means that I'm here helping you, praying for you, pushing you closer to Christ and helping you grow instead of draining you like others may be doing who aren't in this relationship. This is serious business! Parenthood is a ministry as well. Taking care of a child and making sure you instill the correct morals and values and are protected as well. Mmm let me not get overwhelmed by just writing this LOL. With that being said, I'm noticing that I'm left unaware of how to have time to spend with God, cater to my husband, and children and chill too. Like what? How does that work?
So basically, yeah I'm single and I'd love to have someone take me to the movies sometimes and have that person to talk to on those days and have someone to do all that cute stuff with, but I'm not going to settle with just anyone just so I can say I have someone. And I like that I can travel and make plans and not worry about having to let someone else, I have no obligations at the moment and after these past few weeks I see how much of a beautiful thing that is. I like having alone time! A date would be nice, but I realize there are somethings in this season that I won't be able to experience the same way in future seasons so I want to take advantage of this season while I can. They're all blessings, I'm just learning to be content with the portion in front of my now instead of lusting for someone else's. If you're single and still haven't found the silver lining in this time of singleness, try looking at things this way and I pray that you will be able to find joy in this season and that it prepares you for the seasons to come!
xoxo
Aja C.
P.S: This song totally equals my feelings in a nutshell.
